Treat All Emotions As If They Were Your Own Children

How To Develop Self Compassion

"When happiness comes embrace it because suffering is everyday" - Ratu Pandji Pandita

By personifying your emotions, by putting a child's face to your jealousy for example, you will be able to give compassion to yourself ...

Sometimes we are ambushed by our emotions from the moment we wake up, and these feelings of irritability, confusion or listlessness dog us throughout the day. These seem to be the only times when we really pay attention to ourselves, when our emotions are painful and we try to avoid or control them.

As meditation practitioners, when our emotions go awry, it's sometimes difficult to simply let our feelings be, to feel the pain of our emotions and not be mentally affected by them. We search our brains for reasons for our distress because we think that there must be some explanation for these unpleasant feelings we are experiencing.

Sometimes there is. More often than not it's simply the way we feel at that precise moment in time. To search for answers with our intellect is pointless since the dance and interplay of our emotions is without logic - especially when they arise in our loving relationships.

If we are not mindful in our practice and relax to how we feel, we can fool ourselves into believing that there must be something terribly wrong in our lives. We assume it's normal to feel "happy" all the time, and that it's abnormal to feel angry, upset or lonely without good reason. Here lies the seed of our suffering, the root of our ignorance.

Our thinking minds are conditioned to grasp at what it perceives as pleasant and reject states of being it deems unpleasant. This judgement of what is good and bad, right and wrong is at the heart of our dissatisfaction. We go through this process of judgement with our emotions

The tantric path teaches practitioners to view our emotions as simply energy and to use them as part of our practice. 

Have you ever noticed that anger and passion feel exactly the same in your body? In fact physiologically both these emotions affect the body in the same way - our pupils dilate, our hearts start pounding, our muscles fill with blood and ready for action. 

Similarly sadness and sensitivity to beauty are two sides of the coin. The first time I held my niece in my arms and looked at her, my heart felt like breaking at the beauty of her sweet face. It felt exactly like sadness - but I was happy!

All our emotions are exactly the same in that they have a positive and negative aspect depending on our view.

Suffering arises when we judge our emotions. We may even be doing ourselves a great disservice by never fully experiencing the positive aspects of these wonderful energies if we habitually suppress them. If we judge our anger, for example, the danger to ourselves is we may end up suppressing our passion because anger feels exactly the same in our body as passion. If we do it long enough, we begin to believe that we lack a passionate zest for life!

How do we stop judging our emotions? 

The first step is to understand that emotions are neither good nor bad, and it's our mind that judges them so. In New Age parlance, some call this our Inner Critic, who devotes its time trying to maintain an idealised view of who we are. Depending on our perception of ourselves it tends to accept some emotions and reject others to fit in with this view. 

One of the methods to stop judging your emotions and accepting all of them is to see them as your own children. By personifying your emotions by putting a child's face to your fear for example, you will be able to give love and compassion to yourself. 

In each one us is a sad child, an angry child, a lonely child and so on. If we truly begin to see our emotions as our own children we would never reject any of them but treat them all equally with loving kindness. After a while we begin to understand and learn to accept them, no longer trying to avoid nor judge them. We begin to develop a relationship with them  and in so doing, because we understand their pain, are able to develop compassion towards others experiencing the same emotions. It's a very powerful practice.

The Same Tea - Different Tea Pots

“Buddhism is distinguished by four characteristics, or ‘seals. If all these four seals are found in a path or a philosophy, it can be considered the path of the Buddha.”

— Dzongsar Khyentse Rinpoche

“Every authentic teaching of the Buddha must bear three Dharma Seals: impermanence, non-self, and nirvana.”

— Thich Nhat Hanh

What is the essence of Buddhism that all paths and schools agree upon?

Buddhist study can be a perplexing process for novice practitioners confronted with multiple schools of thought sometimes presenting markedly different views on the Buddha's teachings. The quotes above, from renowned Vietnamese Zen master, Thich Nhat Hahn, and Tibetan  Mahayana Lama, Dzongsar Khyentse Rinpoche, illustrates just one example of two ostensibly different views of the same subject. What did the Buddha teach exactly? Which school of thought is right? What are the differences and similarities of the main paths of Buddhism? What do these strange sounding words mean?

It quickly becomes apparent that all the Buddhist schools vary on the exact nature of the path to liberation, the canonical status of the various teachings & scriptures and even on the status of the Buddha himself. Was he a man, a deity, a symbol of the enlightened state, or all of the above? What is the essence of Buddhism that all paths and schools agree upon?

This is the overarching question I have often asked myself when I've studied with various Buddhist masters and teachers from different cultures and traditions. The Four Noble Truths is the obvious choice, but with the dizzying array of sutras and tantras also available, one can get lost in the minutiae of philosophical discourses and commentaries, let alone when opinions of other Buddhist practitioners are thrown into the mix.

In my last trip to Thailand, for example, it soon became clear that some of the Thai laypeople I encountered possessed a cultural view of 'Buddhism' - they performed "Buddhist" rituals but didn't know what they for, or had little knowledge of what the Buddha actually taught. It highlighted how cultural traditions have influenced the interpretation of the teachings and why there appear to be so many differences in approach and practice of Buddha Dharma.

I found some of the answers in Dzongsar Khyentse Rinpoche’s book, What Makes You Not a Buddhist. It presents a helpful analogy of the Buddha’s teaching of the Four Seals being like the same tea poured into different tea cups, each representing the different schools and traditions of Buddhism. Each cup is imbued with the beauty and individuality of each culture where it took root and flourished. The unique designs of each cup explain the differences in approach and presentation of the teachings - including whether the Dharma seals number three or four!

There were "Three Turnings of the Wheel of Dharma", (here again, some schools say 'four') which mark three significant historical events when new developments in Buddhist thought emerged in India. “Turning the Wheel” is a metaphor for the new teachings being expounded and set in motion. All three "turnings" are said to have been attributed to the historical Buddha, which is the primary source of controversy. For example, the second and third turnings (the establishment of Mahayana and Vajrayana) were not publicly known until centuries after the passing of Sakyamuni Buddha, the historical Buddha. There is some conjecture that these teachings were given to specific students to be revealed later after a prescribed time. The truth is no one really knows and an element of faith is required in practicing a path.

One thing I know is the Buddha stated that one's spiritual journey is a personal one. You can't compare a diamond to pearl. Each is beautiful in its own right. Likewise, people are individuals with different temperaments and wisdom based on their experiences. The important thing is to choose a path that resonates with you and stick to it -at least until you have mastered it sufficiently to decide whether or not it is suitable for you before embarking on another one. Good musicians specialise and master one instrument first. This process provides a sound foundation for any others they choose to adopt thereafter. 

Disclaimer: I am not a Buddhist scholar but a meditation practitioner. I designed this infographic to consolidate my understanding of the Buddha's teachings and to offer it to others for their own edification. It's based on what I've researched or understood from studies under various teachers and lamas throughout my life. All credit goes to them for anything you find useful. If I've made any glaring mistakes in the content, please feel free to comment below.

Divergent Thinking - Are You Smarter Than a Six Year Old?

“All children are born artists. The problem is to remain an artist as we grow up.”

— Pablo Picasso

Child With dove (1901) - pablo picasso

I decided to try the paperclip test that educationalist and creativity expert, Sir Ken Robinson, recounted in his Ted Talk, Changing Education Paradigms. The test was part of a longitudinal study of 1500 school age kids who were periodically tested on ‘divergent thinking’ from six until fifteen years of age.

Similar to Edward De Bono’s concept of lateral thinking, Robinson defines divergent thinking as “an ability to interpret a question in many different ways and the ability to see many different answers to a question” - it's “an essential capacity for creativity”.

The question posed was “How many uses can you think of for a paper clip?”

According to the talk, most people can think of ten to fifteen answers with good ‘divergent thinkers’ coming up with around two hundred solutions. Although I had a target to aim for, I had no time limit.

To meet the challenge I gave myself thirty minutes to answer the question and managed to hit a little over 100 ideas within the timeframe. I consoled myself that given more time I could have doubled that figure. However, I had to admit that I struggled towards the end to come up with distinctly different ideas. I considered some of these as variations or extensions of the same theme. If this was allowed I could have joined the ranks of divergent thinking ‘geniuses’. If not, then sadly I had to accept  that I wasn't as creative as the six-year-olds in the test!

According to the study, a whopping 98% of the kindergarten children tested scored at genius level, which indicates we born with this creative capability. Unfortunately, the study also found these same students’ scores declined markedly over time. When they were retested five years later aged 8 to 10 years, those at genius level had dropped to 50%. After another five years, the number of divergent thinking geniuses had fallen further still.

Based on this study Robinson argued that education was the primary intervention for these children, which he proposed is ill-equipped, in its current guise, to meet the needs of our children in the face of burgeoning technology and globalisation. He posited the view that our antiquated education system was developed during the Industrial Revolution, where children were batched by “date of manufacture” (age), configured and tested like products on an assembly line.

In his talk he proposed a radical reevaluation of our whole notion of education and encouraged redesigning our schools to cultivate more creativity which acknowledges the presence of multiple types of intelligence. These themes are further explored in his most famous Ted Talk, Do Schools Kill Creativity? which has garnered over 38 million views.

Creativity in the Workplace

According to the US Bureau of Labor Statistics, the average worker currently holds ten different jobs before the age of forty. McCrindle Research’s ‘Australia in 2020: A Snapshot of the Future’ forecasts that Generation Z will have an average of six careers in their lifetime, with other studies predicting that our youngest workers will hold between twelve to fifteen jobs throughout their lives. These statistics highlight the relentless change that is the hallmark of modern life, and suggests the growing importance of developing a creative mind set, not only for job prospects for our young, but more importantly, maintaining their mental health.

Google and Apple are at the top of ‘the most valuable companies in the world’. Their business models are purposefully design focused, and their corporate cultures nurture and value innovation in the pursuit of profits. Consequently, terms like ‘design thinking’ have entered the mainstream lexicon and more businesses are employing people with creative skill sets to grow their own businesses. In education, new courses are being developed and offered in universities that bridge the business and technological gaps in anticipation of newly created roles within the corporations of the future.

Creative employees bring resilience and an ability to think outside the box by connecting ideas from different disciplines to create things of value and innovation. Designers bring a robust process, which involves analytical and creative skills to develop new concepts for testing and evaluation prior to production. Whilst cutting edge businesses have recognised the value of these skills to grow their market share, how is creativity and divergent thinking good for mental health?
 

Creativity as a Panacea for Mental Health

Our society is rapidly changing with technology replacing more of our analytical or repetitive job functions and causing the constant restructure of existing industries. For example, what will happen to the majority of our transport workers when artificial intelligence, drones and driverless technology impacts their livelihood? Those that are unable to adapt may be trapped in a continual spiral of unemployment stress and depression. Even now our simplest jobs and daily activities require a rudimentary knowledge of computer interfaces from using the cash register in MacDonald's to ATMs and online banking.

No one likes change, especially when it's forced upon them. An effective antidote to stress is developing the creative ability to adapt to change, to let go of past, learn from our mistakes and explore positive solutions to create something new and meaningful. If we are trained in school to embrace change - which is the essence of the Buddhist concept of impermanence, we are relieved of our false notions of 'success' and ‘security’ and begin embracing each moment in our lives with unwavering positive acceptance.

Design Thinking & The Double Diamond

 

Design Thinking is a term popularised by David Kelley, one of America's leading design innovators and founder of IDEO. Harvard's Teaching & Learning Lab defines Design Thinking as "a mindset and approach to learning, collaboration, and problem solving. In practice, the design process is a structured framework for identifying challenges, gathering information, generating potential solutions, refining ideas, and testing solutions. Design Thinking can be flexibly implemented; serving equally well as a framework for a course design or a roadmap for an activity or group project".

Design Thinking is the heart of 'the design process’, which can be can be taught to non-designers and applied in their everyday lives. It involves an organic process of divergent and convergent thinking to arrive at a final solution, which is why 'design' is sometimes called “applied creativity” since designers utilise both creativity and logic to solve problems and create things of value, whether it’s a website, an interior space or revolutionary product.

'The Design Process' is more difficult to define. A quick Google search is all it takes to realise that the different design disciplines, the multitude of design schools teaching these disciplines, and the plethora of design businesses all appear to use diverse terminology to describe the same design process stages. This jargon can be confusing for not only design students to discern but is almost impossible for the layperson to disentangle.

When I taught at university, the best and clearest example of the design process I found was the UK Design Council’s Double Diamond model, which can be reduced to the Four D’s: Discover, Define, Develop & Deliver.

If the paperclip question were approached as an actual design brief, it may look something like this:

Discover

The purpose at this stage is to gain insight into the problem at hand through divergent thinking - by interpreting the question in many different ways. Some questions a designer might ask themselves to generate new ideas for further research or development might be:

• What exactly do you mean by paperclip? Most people would have a mental picture of the Gem paperclip, but there were many types invented since the first paperclip was invented in 1867.
• What were they and how many still exist today?
• Why did these paperclips fail or succeed?
• Can I make the flaws of less successful paperclips better?
• Are there other types of clips or fastening systems  I can use instead of the Gem paperclip, like a money clip, clothes peg or hair clip? How many different clips can I use to also secure paper?
• Why does the paperclip have to be made from wire? Can it be made from new or alternative materials?
• How about designing a paperclip from an environmentally friendly material or process?
• Does it have to be in one piece or can it be modular and assembled to create a larger clip like Lego?
• You didn't specify the size. If the paperclip were large enough it could be used as a bike rack or boat docking cleat if it were embedded in concrete.
• Would there be any benefit in constructing a building structure or spaceship in the shape of a paperclip? 

The above may look like a form of convergent or analytical thinking, but as you can see rephrasing these questions can dramatically increase the number of ideas.

The approach of the Discover stage is to see the ‘problem’ through fresh eyes with no judgements, which a six-year-old undoubtedly possesses. The methods designers apply to gain insight are varied and numerous, and usually are a combination of sketching, discussion and researching. Some may immediately begin sketching solutions which direct further research. Others may talk to their client in depth about their vision, objectives, needs and wants. Others may conduct surveys, run tests or interview people from their client's target market to gain deeper insights, or perform a cursory internet search to research how others have tackled the problem in the past. It all depends on the complexity of the project and the client's budget.

The essential ingredient when it comes to creativity or divergent thinking is a sense of openness and playfulness, suspending judgement and analysis until later. The advice I've given students in the divergent stages of the design process is to go for quantity rather than quality.

The Discover stage is really about getting an overall feel before committing to where you want to go next, remaining open and questioning everything. The analogy I like to use is when you visit a new country you begin by researching a little about the country and culture, but once you arrive you begin exploring your immediate environment, identifying where your hotel is located within the city, identifying surrounding landmarks and noting places of interest you may want to dine at or visit.

Define

The objective of the Define stage is developing a strategy based on actionable criteria that can be evaluated and assessed. This is where convergent thinking takes over to provide a necessary focus for your efforts and limited resources. What you are determining is the feasibility of your plan based on sound analysis of the problem.

This could be deciding which tour you want to book based on your travel requirements in order of importance -  your primary consideration being the needs of your young family, your secondary being the total cost of the tour, and your tertiary criteria being the bus must be air-conditioned. 

With regards to designing a paperclip, a designer considers the functional and commercial aspects of the design, its fundamental purpose for existence and all requirements to objectively test the final solution. Following are some of the criteria that may be discussed with a client for further input.

 A good clip should:

• hold paper together, but not catch or mutilate papers when used
• hold a minimum of “x” papers securely (how many?)
• be thin (so it won’t add unnecessary bulk to combined files)
• be easily used (inserted with minimal effort)
• be safe (no sharp edges)
• be lightweight (requiring little extra postage)
• be cheap (using as little wire as possible), and
• be durable enough for reuse.

The Define stage usually results in formal design brief so both you and your client is on the same page.

Develop

This is the fun part of the design process where you allow all your research and the fundamental requirements of the design to percolate in the back of your mind and you begin to shift into divergent thinking mode again by exploring form and function through ideation, sketching, model-making, iteration and testing. This process of trial and error helps designers improve and refine their ideas ready for production or completion.

There are many concept generation techniques in a designer's arsenal. In coming up with uses for the paperclip, I mainly used mind mapping and brainstorming to jot down my ideas quickly. Sketches may have looked prettier, but to generate 200 ideas would have taken considerably longer. There is no way I would have been able to sketch even 100 ideas to any degree of legibility in the timeframe I set myself. 

If this were a real design job, the next stage would have definitely been to sketch thumbnails or play around with actual paperclips by folding and twisting them into new shapes to explore form and generate further ideas.

The best advice I can give students in the Develop stage is use the ideation tools that are the most effective in the time given. No one can play, let alone think of interesting ideas if they are stressed and running out of time.

The second suggestion I would give is to sketch or model your ideas first - it's an efficient and important step in concept generation. Don't use the computer until you have a clear idea of what you want to do. Some of my students failed from stubbornly continuing to develop a bad concept simply because they had already invested so much computer time tweaking their designs trying to get them to work, when the smart thing would have been to abandon the idea and move on.

Sketching is always going to be faster in uncovering potential problems in a design. Even when you make a mistake in your first sketch, your brain will adjust to compensate for poor perspective for example, and your next drawing will be much better.

Deliver

This is the final stage of the double diamond design process where the resulting project is finalised, produced and launched. This is the culmination of all the time and effort you've invested in the project.

 

Final Thoughts

Design Thinking is about working smart, not hard. Its about using both sides of your brain to arrive at a positive solution. If you're able to develop a creative mind set, daily life is no different than an ongoing series of projects each with their own set of challenges and problems. All problems have solutions. Some may not be ideal but with choice there is freedom. Even if a situation is unpleasant, like a rocky relationship or changing vocations, I would rather decide to make the change rather than have the outcome foisted upon me. The freedom to have options is a source of happiness.

 Now it's your turn. Are you smarter than a six-year-old? Try the test and find out.